53 senior year?

Holy moly. Senior year already? When did i get so ollllld?

This summer flew by. My summer bucket list wasn’t even close to being completed and it’s very sad. But I did get a lot of things done and it was a great summer overall.

I just had this weird moment where i thought about it and realized that everyone is gone. At this time next year I’ll be gone too. It’s so strange…everything feels different and everything is going to change this year. I’m not sure if I’m ready yet. 

52 Bring Me Chicago

Not much to say today. I cranked out a new piece this morning and it’s probably my favorite so far. I played it through and started crying so I decided to type it instead

Bring Me Chicago

 

Baby won’t you bring me

Those big city lights

And so many cars

And grid patterned streets.

 

Baby won’t you bring me those big city lights

And so many cars, and grid patterned streets

And all that I have dreamed

And something that’s too fast to wait for all that’s happened in the past.

 

Take me away from the world that is all white paint

Where the people do not believe

Take me away to the world with those lights

To the place we can finally breathe.

 

And big city lights the night breathes in

Those big city lights to blend me in

And all those cars that never go too far

Grid patterned streets so we can always meet

 

Again

 

If fate steps in

 

And wins.

51 summer lovin

I decided to post because I thought it had been like a year since I last updated this thing…turns out April doesn’t feel that long ago. But it kind of was.

Tha 6 Month anniversary is coming up in FIVE DAYS what? I guess we’re going to dinner and I’m TRYING to get Java Jam to play in downtown wayzata so i can bring him there and suprise him with some slow jazz jam. Anyway if you havent noticed from my fervent twitter updates the summer bucket list 2011 is coming along swimmingly. I’m going to try to post the list in its entirety (mostly anyway..I won’t be posting illegal and/or innappropriate things up in hurr) so that I can check it off as I go but we’ll see.

Looking back on all these posts, starting in summer 09…whoah. Damn i remember that summer. I think if we called it “That Summer” the world would all know what we meant. That Summer was so full of mistakes, and we didn’t learn a damn thing did we?

If I die young

Bury me in satin

Lay me down on a bed of roses

Sink me in the river at dawn

Send me away with the words of a love song

50 Chill.

Post 50!!! Whoah. 
I’m currently sitting in the chalet at the bottom of red lodge mountain, red lodge, montana, and the livin is easy. I miss Clint a lot though. This time last year I didn’t have someone like him to miss while I was here. Its actually really hard, and the fact that I’m the odd one out and the only one out of seven without a companion doesn’t make it any easier. Oh well….day two yay!!!!….fuck.
The skiing here is super nice. We just got like four inches of snow and the fresh powder makes going down the hill breezy and cool. I’ve been listening to my recently developed Love Song playlist, which consists of the following tracks:
 Accidentally In Love – Counting Crows
 Stuck Like Glue – Sigarland
 Falling Slowly – Once
 Rhythm Of Love – Plain White Ts 
 Marry Me – Train
 For The First Time – The Script
It’s actually a very wonderful skiing soundtrack.
Peace out…enjoying spring break, hope you are too.   

the free man

eyes like hummingbirds
darting, drinking in these flowers
deep and focused. watching me
eyelashes flutter, delicate like wings
then hover over damp and grassy earth
see? see the small and dainty things
pass by. the buds of leaves
old and cracked dry trees
the world. through eyes of water
like birds sipping water
in that way that no one understands
but i–i see
i see you watching me.

48 Your Fire

If you could see how my world fades

And how I’m caught up in a game no one taught me how to play

If you could see my frantic heart keeping things from falling apart

If you could see me fall from grace, I swear you’d have thought twice.

Where can I turn, when my tables have turned

And you’re watching me burn, and it’s too late to walk away

Where can I go when there’s nobody I know

And you won’t leave me alone, and I’m trying but I can’t get away.

When you told me, “I still don’t see

Why you’re with him and not with me”

I swear to god, i thought that I

I really thought I would die

When you were angry, I took the hits

When I am falling, he just fits

I swear you two are opposites

But even so I still remember

Who can I inspire when I’m drowning my desire

But my body is on fire, and it’s too late to walk away

I was lost in what you wanted, and I promised i didn’t want it

But now I find i’m haunted by the moments where I couldn’t walk away.

If you happen, happen to see

Something that I once believed

Lying around, please for me

Pick it up and brush it off

And set it in your fire

And watch it burn

Like you watched me burn

While the world still turned

And the world still turns

The goddamn world still turns

And I still burn

And you’ll never learn. x3

47 myself?

I’ve noticed that this blog has over 800 hits…not bad. Pretty impressive but I’m also a little creeped out. Who looks at this anyway? Whatevs.

Last night was very tough. My mind was made up and i was finally going to choose what was best for me. In the situation though it was difficult to not get lost in the emotion and I basically completely forgot what the hell I was doing in the first place. I was so sure but I don’t know where I’m at anymore.

Winter break is probably coming at a good time, though I’m not entirely certain. At a time like this, will separation help or harm? I don’t know. At least I’m back for three days between christmas and new years. I’ll have the house to myself and I’m going to just relax all day and accomplish nothing. For once in my life I think i deserve that.

Long were the nights when my days once revolved around you
Counting my footsteps, praying the floor won’t fall through, again.
My mother accused me of losing my mind, but I swore I was fine
You’d paint me a blue sky then go back and turn it to rain
And I lived in your chess game, but you changed the rules every day
Wondering which version of you I might get on the phone tonight
Well I stopped picking up, and this song is to let you know why

Well maybe it’s me and my blind optimism to blame
Maybe it’s you and your sick need to give love then take it away
And you’ll add my name to your long list of traitors who don’t understand
And I’ll look back and regret how I ignored when they said “run as fast as you can”

46 resolution

It’s been a while since I’ve posted here. The beginning of December really was a long time ago but it feels like it wasn’t. I keep thinking it’s maybe the 14th or 15th, when really it’s the 21st. Winter break starts the day after tomorrow, and today is ugly sweater day. I don’t know what it is but WHS’s student population appears to be much less enthusiastic about it than the previous years I’ve spent here.

With the new year coming up, change is in the air more than I’ve ever felt it. A friend of mine from work is this amazing guy who knows how to treat a girl right. I’m not saying I’m going to ditch John to be with him, but it definitely makes me think harder about how much of an asshole John really is. Ugh. Why is life so complicated?

New Years Resolutions 2010:

• Eat less Gardetto’s
• Save paychecks instead of spending them
• Accept absence of multiples of five once each day
• Use iPad more
• Deal with caffeine withdrawal in a more effective way than ingesting more caffeine
• Choose myself once per day
• Kiss my goldfish goodnight
• Give twitter and my blog more attention
• Read a new book per month
• Celebrate life every day
• Don’t regret

45 stat

It seems like forever ago that November started, now that it’s December. It actually makes me kind of anxious. In a month it’s going to be 2011…What is that? That can’t be right. John graduates in 2011.

It’s so nice actually having some free time now that Hello Dolly! is over. Although ironically i still am getting to bed just as late as usual, and that’s unfortunate to say the least. But you gotta do what you gotta do.

As for the album status (I’m going to be kicking out an album sometime in the near future if I haven’t mentioned it yet) I’ve got nearly all the songs written and recording-ready. As a little treat I thought I’d just post the lyrics to a new song. Enjoy!

Fight

Somebody asked me today, what is my one life dream?

I didn’t know what to say because right now nothing’s what it seems.

And you’re disrespectful, and I am still wondering,

Why must I fight to be free?

You’re unsupportive, I’m trying so hard

And at this rate we’ll never be free, at this rate we’ll never be free.

Maybe it’s my fault for jumping through pages

Of a book you don’t know how to read.

Or maybe it’s yours for turning away

When I try to just say what I need.

And I don’t eat meat, but you don’t drink coffee

And you don’t see me throwing a fit.

Maybe someday I’ll tell you my dreams

But I don’t think you could handle it,

I don’t think you could handle it if I said

I wanna see the world outside of these cold walls

I wanna feel the breeze of Massachusetts in the fall

And run through the seafoam holding your hand

And smell the air and the salt and the sand

Then maybe you’ll make a promise you’ll keep

And I’ll watch the moonlight til we drift to sleep

Just like you are now, you’re fast asleep

And I know you can’t hear my whispers.

But if I’m gonna run, I gotta go now

And I’d like if you followed my lead

Then maybe someday we’ll be free.

44 what are you thankful for?

In the spirit of Thanksgiving, I’ve decided to dedicate a blog post to everything I’m thankful for–and I hope you’ll comment with the same.

For me, being thankful is more than the typical elementary answer, “I am thankful for my family and friends and pets and food.” It goes deeper than that. It may sound hokey, but I am thankful for this life. People don’t stop to think about how beautiful our world is. Every day I am suprised by something I see, or warmed by someone else’s smile. But most of all, I’m thankful for being able to find the good in any sort of bad. Without darkness there is no light, and that is so true for the entire world that surrounds us. I don’t like being cold, but I love how beautiful Minnesotan winters are, and curling up by the fire in thick socks and drinking hot chocolate, cheeks still thawing from the outside cold. I don’t like having homework, but if we didn’t have homework we’d never be able to appreciate the lack of it, whether it be long weekends or nights where the load is light. I don’t like the fact that my boyfriend refuses to drive, but it feels so good to come home to him after work, or stop by on my way home from school, and because of that he feels not just a part of my life, but the base of it. I don’t like math, but, as hard as it is to admit, it gives the world structure. The point is, you can’t have the good without the bad. So have a ponder about that this thanksgiving, and find the good in the bad. You’ll find yourself with a new appreciation for things you’ve never looked at that way before.

Happy thanksgiving everyone! Now tell me. What are you thankful for?