27

Things I want to accomplish during the second semester:

• Go to sleep by 10
• Do something every day that scares me
• Learn how to not burn food
• Watch a football game
• Read a new book every week
• Create an illegitimate and anonymous poster to hang up at WHS
• Have a conversation with every person in every class by the time S2 is over
• Build a fire
• Give a captivating speech
• Punk someone
• Reunite old friendships
• Come up with an alter-ego and exercise it to strangers in public
• Eat more tacos than Dad at dinner
• Go to school in what I slept in
• Borrow something that will never be returned
• Throw a complete bitch fit in public
• Get a picture with a stranger
• Learn to not hate math
• Reach 2,000 tweets
• Go to Colorado with Christa :)
• Start a collection
• Make a change & leave a mark

26 · uneasy

I was supposed to be at a party tonight, but I have felt sick on and off for the past few days and I really just wanted to stay home and watch The Pregnancy Pact on lifetime, and eat a TON of food. Here’s what I consumed within 75 minutes:

• Ramen in a mug
• A large bowl of leftover Lee Ann Chin
• A bowl of granola cereal
• Two pieces of papa johns sausage + pepperoni pizza
• 10+ oreos, with milk
• A frozen chocolate chip waffle (but I only finished 3/4 of it)
• At least 3 glasses of water
• 1 full bottle of sprite

That can’t be healthy. Oh well. At least I’m not in denial about being a total fattie.

So many things right now are…I don’t even know. It feels like everything is rapidly changing, but in reality it’s all staying the exact same. Or the other way around. I don’t know. Everything is just really uneasy. For me, anyway. It’s probably due to my lack of medication for the past few days. But still. I don’t know how I feel about it.

This has been a really disfunctional blog post. But i guess it’s sort of a reflection of the way things are right now, so…success?

25 · decision

Now that winter break is over, school–and everything that comes with it–is back in full swing. So far Brighton rehearsals have been awesome!! It’s not just the 7 cast members anymore, now that Christa, Betts, and  Jamie are at rehearsals as well. It’s a lot of fun. I need to start working on my Yiddish (yes, Yiddish) accent. Our director Terri says we’re going to start seriously incorporating the accents next week. I’m really worried.

I’ve decided that I’m not taking AP Euro third term. I have lots of reasons but they’re basically as follows:

1. After the first semester it’s all about the AP test, which I wasn’t planning on taking (mostly for fear of failure and also annoyance at the huuuge deal everyone makes of it)
2. I’m honestly barely clinging to the grade I have in euro right now, and if I let it slip one more step my parents won’t let me drive.
3. I’ll be starting math next term (shoot me in the jugular) which is why I’m particularly concerned about number 2.
4. And the biggest reason is Brighton Beach Memoirs. I’d normally be fine with exchanging sleep hours for the combined math and euro homework (plus all my other classes), but I’m worried that I’ll get tired and won’t be able to put as much as I want to into the show and my character. 

So it basically comes down to the fact that Brighton is more important to me than a term of Euro I don’t even need to take. It’s something I thought my parents wouldn’t understand, you know, the whole “school comes first” thing (they’re big on that.) But, surprisingly, they’re on my side this time. Thank god. It’s not even that big of a deal, but I know I’m making the right choice, and because of that I’m happy.

My car is STILL broken (it’s been in the repair shop for about a month) and I’ll hopefully be getting it back this weekend. Then i can FINALLY drive to school. I’ve been waiting since September 25th to just drive to school. Ari and I are going to carpool, so each day will begin with a morning of singing in the car with her. I’m pumped about that.

Something I’ve noticed is that Summer is coming back. Everything about Summer…the people, the experiences, the situations, the smells, the desires and cravings and feelings, the tastes, the thoughts, everything. It’s all coming back. It’s strange, in the middle of winter. I can’t decide whether or not I like it or if it’s totally terrifying me and freaking me out. I’m pretty sure it’s an equal combination of the two.

Well, I’m gonna go to target to get the Avatar soundtrack. FYI – if you haven’t yet seen that, DO IT. It is AMAZING!!

24 · coffee shop wifi, I thank thee

Up here at the cabin, days move twice as slow, but rather than a dragging pace it’s actually quite relaxing.

I got my car back, and it is LOVELY. The bumper is no longer effed up and the rust is gone, which I guess is good, but I sort of miss the destroyed-car look it once had. A few days ago I spun out into a snow bank, because I took a 20-mph turn at 35-mph while it was snowing, and the snow plow hadn’t come yet. It was just a bad combo. But it wasn’t a big deal, I got out eventually. Still, I’m now extra cautious when driving along highway 77.

The christmas loot this year was pretty good. Not too little, not too much. I got adobe photoshop lightroom, which I am absolutely LOVING, a ton of cash and giftcards, and about 5 sweaters (I’m really into sweaters at the moment). But the best gift was my car. It puts a smile on my face :)

Time to go frolic around Nisswa Square. Oh, wait–I can’t frolic around nisswa until Ari gets here.

Some days her shape in the doorway
Will speak to me
A bird’s wing on the window
Sometimes I’ll hear her when she’s sleeping
Her fever dream
A language on her face

I want your flowers like babies want God’s love
Or maybe as sure as tomorrow will come

Some days, like rain on the doorstep
She’ll cover me
With grace in all she offers
Sometimes I’d like just to ask her
What honest words
She can’t afford to say, like

I want your flowers like babies want God’s love
Or maybe as sure as tomorrow will come

23 · early morning updates

I set my alarm for 5:00 am every morning, so that I can hit snooze until 6, tricking my brain into thinking I slept in. But this morning, when my alarm went off at 5:00, I was suddenly wide awake and well rested. So I got up super early today.

Well today is ugly sweater day. My crochet “A White Christmas” sweater combined with a blue turtleneck should be a hit. We only have one day left before break. And since I get my car back from the repair shop tonight, today is the LAST DAY EVER! that I have to ride the bus. Whoo!

Right when school resumes in January, my every day will be filled with some kind of activity. Brighton on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, Madrigals on Tuesdays, and (hopefully) a weekly improv practice on Thursdays. But I’m SO excited. These between-show periods are so awkward and uncomfortable. I hate not having something to dive into. If I could constantly be doing shows without a single day of rest, I really believe I would.

Well farewell, all. I’ll be heading to my cabin for break for a whole lot of skiing, hot chocolate, laughter, family, friends, and love… I love this time of year.

22 · oh hey there

I’d use the usual “I totally forgot about my blog until now,” but that’s a lie, because the truth is I’ve been thinking about posting a lot. I’ve just either not had time or have simply been too lazy.

So here I am again, for the first time since early October. So much has happened, changed, and evolved. I got my license, and a car – 1997 Ford Explorer, it is amazing and the most perfect for me a car could possibly be – and the whole driving thing has been quite enjoyable. My car, however, is currently at a family friend’s repair shop near our cabin, 2 hours and 15 minutes away, so I currently don’t have it. Which I hate. What’s more, my parents told the guy who’s fixing it up that in exchange for a few hundred dollars off the repairs, he could take as long as he wanted to fix it. Damn.

I can’t say school has been easy, but to tell you the truth it hasn’t killed me yet either. I’m nearly halfway finished with AP euro, which feels really good, just because I know that if I can live through the first half, the second won’t be the death of me either. And after getting an F – yes, an actual F – on a recent euro test, I decided it was time to give myself a kick in the rear and really step it up. So I nixed all of my old study habits and replaced them with entirely new ones that consist of taking extremely detailed notes while reading. It seems to have worked, being that on the last test I got the best test grade I’ve gotten since early term one. Let’s just hope the mid-course exam doesn’t end up going horribly. Even though I know it will.

The Brighton Beach Memoirs cast list went up on Tuesday. You know how people, in the period between the auditions and cast list do that sickeningly overly-humble thing, and they’re like, “Oh yeah, well, I’m not going to get in anyway…” (And then they get up early to drive to school so they’re the first ones to see the list?) Well, although I was openly accepting of the fact I didn’t think I’d make it, that’s exactly what i was NOT doing. I was actually positive. Like, I applied to multiple jobs saying I had no after-school conflicts, and in my playbook (I keep track of shows I see, audition for, and am in) I wrote about the audition, thinking it would stop there. By now you can probably tell that I did end up making it. At first it was such a shock, because I didn’t really believe it. But the more I thought about it, the more excited I got. And i’ve come to realize that this is exactly what I’ve needed. I really need this, and I feel so blessed with what I’ve been given.

I’m sure there are many smaller updates I could ramble on about, but it’s late, I’m tired, and Ari is trying to sext me. So I’m gonna call it a night.

Brighton Beach Cast List

21 · whoah

I have been a horrible blogger. My last post was almost a month ago….whoops.

Anyway. I don’t have much to say, I just had a few spare minutes and decided to update. School is going great, suprisingly, and though I dreaded Euro it’s now my favorite class. Jamie and Sarah should be here in a few minutes to work on our teaching project. “Compare and contrast the religious policies of Isabella I of Spain, Catherine De’Medici of France, and Elizabeth of England.” Pretty easy topic and we’ve done well, what with all the sickness in our group thus far.

Our anti-homecoming party last night was a total blast. Ari and I shopped from noonish to 4ish, then the gang minus Betts met at Ari’s at 5:30 for pictures. We all looked so foxy. Christa, Fil, Drew, Ari and I drove down to Loring’s pasta bar in dinkytown and Betts met us there a little later. I got the cheese tortellini, with mild italian sausage. It was SO good.

TBC

20 · hello new year

School started yesterday. Oddly enough it feels like I’ve already been in school for a week. You know that feeling? Wierd. Well, I ended up having Betts in my AP Euro class (yes!!) and also Sean in Span 2. Double success!! So far the Euro load is and has been massive, what with 15 pages of tiny-text reading last night and 11 (?) tonight. Ah well. I’m excited and not the least bit inclined to drop the class, so I’m going to just stick it out.

South pacific auds were this evening. I just got home, actually. I started getting really emotional for no apparent reason. I think I was just overwhelmed by the WHS theatre department, or the idea of it, or the actual theater, or something. I don’t know. It was wierd.

It might have also been combined with the fact that all of the intense emotions, feelings, and thoughts that i’ve been supressing for months are starting to flood back into my head. And it seems that my floodgates are damaged. And it’s all very complicated.

19 · school shopping

So I spent 6 hours at MOA today with Sarah and the moms.

SUCCESSES:

• Two pairs of skinny jeans – AE
• Navy and white cardigan – AE
• Rose-print form-fitting dress – F21
• Black skirt and light purple skirt – both F21
• Gold rose necklace, gold-ish owl necklace, blue shades, pearl cluster bracelet – F21 accessory shop
• Black ruffle flats and shiny black 3″ pumps – DSW
• Black wayfarers (a basic necessity I’ve been lacking for a while now) – urban outfitters

All accompanied by two medium vanilla iced coffees—one from starbucks, one from caribou. The starbucks iced coffee won by a mile, as I knew it would.

What a great day.

18 · never too much

So the nightingale cast is home. It seems like they enjoyed their trip. I’m so glad they did!!

I’ve lately had an obsession with vanilla iced coffee at starbucks. It’s just so simple, yet SOO good. Unfortunately I’ll have to find a hot drink that similarly tickles my fancy for fall and winter. Speaking of which, school is def on the way. Ten days! I’m really excited. 

Yesterday I had quite the adventure at Barnes and Noble. Forty-dollar giftcard in hand, I really had no idea what I’d find or what I’d end up with. But I landed upon the drama/theatre section and was immediately intrigued by “the art of dramatic writing”, which made me think about the musical I’ve been working on. So, I bought it. I also couldn’t leave the dramatic section without a copy of “Filthy Shakespeare,” which is a collection of shakespeare’s most outrageous sexual puns. I’ve thoroughly enjoyed that so far. Also in pursuit of a classic, I decided upon “Wuthering Heights” because I’ve been wanting to read it for a really long time. Here’s when I checked out—but I still had 6.80 left on my card, sooo I buzzed back to the Periodicals—women’s interest section and picked up a copy of this year’s September issue, which I’m VERY pleased by. Such a productive day! Afterwords, alayna and I sat in the cafe there and talked about everything from Wiccans to rubix cubes to improv troupe and everything in between. We were there for about three hours. Sooo good!

After the airport yesterday we headed over to the Newman household for some good ol’ punch pizza. Also very good. I sort of just sat around and made conversation. It was alright, but I left to go to Valerie/Fil/Sarah’s birthday night at Val’s. That was suuper fun. I was sort of out of it and kept feeling obligated to discuss things such as the fourth dimension, Wiccans, and “the storm”. It was a lot of fun. I came home and read my september issue in bed for about an hour while listening to The Police, which was a good way to drift off into dreamland. Where I dreamt about Wiccans.

Too much wicca.